23 Days Since Surgery - An Update

Today I am 23 days from the date of my surgery.  At more than 3 weeks post-op, I’d love to be able to say that my gastric bypass surgery experience really wasn’t so bad, but there were some unexpected things that turned up during my surgery that created a difference in how I have experienced my post-op recovery. Shortly after they began my surgery, they discovered that I have a very large ovarian cyst that is the size of a watermelon, and fills my entire abdominal space.  This cyst is large and painful, as they often are.  In my case the diagnosis explained a few things that had bothered me for a few months prior to my surgery.  Without going into great detail, I had though that I was suffering from a bladder infection though the symptoms were inconsistent and didn’t completely point to a urinary tract infection. Nevertheless, I moved toward my surgery date imagining that my weird symptoms were pointing to nothing important.


Post-operatively I was pretty excited to find myself beyond my surgery.  All of the hard work, tons of research, months of appointments, and positive thinking had brought me here – to this point.  I was excited until I remembered being told that there was a cyst.  A what?!


I was able to do everything I needed to do to get out of the hospital.  I walked, swallowed pills, and drank on command.  But I was also really anxious – it was this cyst – the knowledge that something else was in there, and it needed some medical attention.


I’m scheduled to have an abdominal ultrasound done followed by a visit to my gynecologist next week.  I’ve been focused on getting this matter dealt with, although I’ve had to cancel each appointment once because I was still experiencing some post-op pain.  


So what was the hold up in getting back to writing about my experience?  That’s been a tricky topic to tackle actually! In considering this carefully, I guess I’ve really struggled with the knowledge that something is still inside me needing medical attention. I’m still trying to get used to the idea that I still have another potential surgery still left in my future.  It’s felt like a distraction from my weight loss goals and efforts.  It felt incongruous, somehow - writing about my gastric bypass while I was so distracted by my cyst!  
  
It’s taken a little time to screw my head on again, but I’m ready to resume my duties as a blogger.


Next time:  Head Hunger.  More about that nasty little urge to eat for reasons other than hunger… 

Fortune Cookie Therapy-

The Best Way to Predict the Future is to Create It

Flip-side:  Pick Your Battles.

I don’t think I could have picked a better slip out of the bowl in my therapist’s office if I would have tried, last Friday. The slip read: The Best Way to Predict the Future is to Create It.  And for any of us planning to have a gastric bypass, or recovering from one.  Those words should ring true in our ears! 

I'm hearing that this is a time to truly envision my new life unfolding before me, and to concentrate on all of the steps that I know will make me successful in my endeavor to be healthier.  Since I’m still waiting for my surgery date (coming 8/11/10)!, I can only plan, read, trust, and take on pure faith, that everything will be fine.  I’ve been told that if I follow the steps my bariatric surgeon and her team have laid out for me, and I exercise, and eat carefully, and utilize all of the tools that have been shared with me, then I will learn to accept a new lifestyle and I will lose weight.  It sounds so simple.  Could it really be so simple after all of the efforts that I've made over the years?  Weight Watchers, the Grape Fruit Diet, The Cabbage Soup Diet, Jenny Craig, and the others all made me believe that I would be thin and physically well, like all of the promises that were made?

The trick is in knowing that there’s a lot of hard work, episodes of “head hunger," and difficult times ahead.  The tool — my gastric bypass — gives me that amazing leg up in managing my weight, my hunger, and my lifestyle.

I couldn’t be more excited — although a little nervous, still — finally the excitement outweighs the nerves!  I realize that I am creating my future, and can predict success in my future because of what I’m learning.

Comments?  I’d love to hear from you out there, lurking and reading along….

It's starting... "Head Hunger"

... A seductive curl of steam rising from the plate 
... Small yellow rivulets of butter dripping down the side of creamy mashed potatoes 
... Tempting and crispy browned skin on a fragrant, succulent chicken breast 
... A distant hint of something green? Spinach, green beans?  Something green...whatever.

I'm siting here, thinking about food.  Not bunny food, but "real" substantial food with butter, carbs, etc.  Hmmm....  OMG!  It's just a commercial!  I haven't even had my surgery yet!  ::sigh::

Well, they did warn me that there would be possible reactions to or experiences after weight loss surgery, including a preoccupation with food on television.  For more information about additional reactions to or experiences after having weight loss surgery, see Appendix A under the Appendices tab.


I am definitely entranced when a commercial comes on TV parading some company's delicious foods in front of me every 10 minutes.  It's not even that I feel especially deprived on the partial liquid diet they've put me on.  I am getting plenty to eat, really.  It's just a matter or having been raised in a culture that "Super Sizes" everything, and that celebrates "The late night Munchies" -- constantly!  


My husband doesn't help, either.  Big Bruiser is 6'5" and weighs about 300 pounds.  At the ripe age of 50, he can still eat like a like a teenager - 2 large bowls of cereal at noon, and after diner, 2 great big bowls of ice cream,  a handful of candy, whatever he wants, really.  The fact is, for me losing weight *is* hard.  The sacrifices, the commitment, and the focus that it takes to make the decision to change your lifestyle is significant.  But this is the first time I've been really face to face with my "head hunger," the emotional element to losing weight, and one of the reasons that so many people find weight loss so very difficult.  "Head Hunger" is the psychological part of how we feel about food, and what we think about food.  It is highly personal, and highly individualized.  For me, this preoccupation with food on television and my reaction to the images of food is like an itch that I can't scratch.  I'm really struggling to stay focused and to put all restricted foods out of my head.  I'm eating a medically supervised diet that is considered a partial liquid diet  - high protein to prepare for my GB.  HMR 70+ vanilla and chocolate pudding 4 times a day, high potassium veggies, and 1 high protein lean cuisine a day is the program for me.  Not a lot of food really.  I'd like to point out that I *was* eating a bit more than this before Dr. H. put me on the partial liquid diet.  It's a little humbling when I think bout how much more I was eating before I started a plan of any kind.  The truth is pretty clear:  you have to keep your eye on the ball the whole time while you're getting ready for surgery, and afterward.


I'm trying to stay focused.  I know that a new stomach/new plumbing will force the issue, and the "head hunger" will episodically be worse as I move through the process of understanding what makes me tick, food-wise.  Regardless I'm feeling prepared (for the moment) to fight to good fight, and move forward - despite commercials with fast food that seem to call to me.   


Next time...  Fortune Cookie Therapy