Clothes, 80 pounds, and a smaller size

We all have something about ourselves that we wish we could change.
Sometimes you can, and sometimes you can't.
The important thing is to try.
                                           by Kris Carr, 
                                           from Crazy Sexy Cancer


Somehow these words really struck me.  Of course, the documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer was also really great, but these words, spoken by Kris at the end of the show, were so powerful I felt I needed to share them.


I *am* trying to make my efforts at losing weight really count.  I'm down a little under 80 pounds (Yes, I said 80!) since my efforts to lose weight really started in June.  I now weigh about 275.  


So I'm getting ready to actually rejoin the work world, assuming I find someone who wants to hire me, and I'm facing something I hadn't really thought of.  Clothes!  I need something to wear for job interviews, and this morning I spent all of the very generous gift certificate that my mom bought me for this very purpose.  Now normally, spending money on anything - even clothes - is not  terribly difficult for me.  I *like* spending money.  But I have never really loved clothes shopping.  That's probably why I've spent more time online shopping rather than going into a store and actually trying clothes on.  What this whole experience brought up for me though, was recognizing that I've suffered from a lot of emotional pain related to the clothes topic.  The struggle about how much I weight, what size I am, and often not being able to find anything that fits even in the "Big Girls" section, (or the "Big Girls store) store doesn't go away magically just because you've gotten a gastric bypass, I've learned.


This morning I was uncomfortable trying to figure out what to order!  I had a gift certificate from an online/catalog clothing store to spend.  I could guess what size I am.  But I didn't really know.  It didn't seem real that I could have lost sizes even though there was plenty of evidence that I've lost two sizes minimum.  Finally I went in the bathroom and measured myself.  I sat down and sent off my order with at least a little more data in hand, and at least I have some baseline measurements for future reference.  


I'll plan to mention this at the support group, but I'm really glad that I bought the book by Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. entitled:  Eat It Up! The Complete Mind/Body/Spirit Guide to a Full Life After Weight Loss Surgery.  I'll provide a review once I've read it, but I'm finding that there are some emotional issues that are lingering from my still-fat mind.  I knew this was coming, or something like this, it still caught me off guard, however.


I'm back in the saddle again, writing and thinking about the blog.  I've got a few topics percolating, but I'd love some suggestions.  Anyone have anything to discuss?  Drop me a line if you do...


More soon!